She's got the face of a bush pig.
boy she's ugly

Ya got more chance of a blow job off the pope.
no fu***** way

Given them the flick.
Getting rid of a boyfriend or girlfriend

Any slower and he'd be going backwards.
see 'slow coach'

Who's mucking this fonkey?
dont annoy me while I'm trying to do this

Wouldn't know if someone was up him sideways with an armful of deck chairs.
pretty bloody dopey

She has a head like someone tried to put out a campfire with a screwdriver.
very, very ugly!!!!

He/She has all the brains of a stunted swamp chigger.
~

Fart and give us an idea which direction to look.
over Oral Sex with a large lady.

Go like a cut/skinned cat.
really quick car

Fairies Muff!
Fair enough

Barkin up the wrong tree.
got it wrong (made a mistake)

Last about as long as a snowflake in summer.
wouldn't last long

Get a room!
saying directed to overly-amorous couples in public

FIGJAM.
f#&k, I'm good, just ask me

You are so fat you need a road map to find your arse!
~

I'll be off like a Jewish foreskin.
I'm getting out of here

Ya can't polish a turd.
equivalent to not being able to make a silk purse out of a pigs ear

It's as full as a prostitute on a Saturday night.
whatever your filling up... is full

Snappy-hot, extra-grouse, good, f#&king bonzer!
pretty damn good!

Tough Titties!
Bad luck! (sarcastic or sympathic)

She's got the tom-tits with me.
got the sh$ts, irritated

He's blotto!
Very drunk, incapable of standing.

I'm so unlucky, if I fell into a bucketful of tits I'd come up sucking my thumb.
I am an unfortunate fellow.

Show us your dribbly bits!
Female Genitalia

Donkey Drops.
Idiot: Referring to as dumb as donkey sh$t.

That'd knock a cat off a gut wagon.
Smells awful.

What will you do for a face when the monkey wants it's arse back?
You're ugly

Check the lungs on that!
nice pair of tits

Tighter than a fish's areshole at 20,000 fathoms.
tight bugger with money

He's a teapot.
A gay man

He's that lousy, he'd eat a yard of sh$t and complain it was an inch short.
~

Come on mate, don't get the sh$ts now.
don't get angry

Spewin'
I am very upset about that.

Wank stain!
loser

He's on the Malcolm Blights.
He's drinking light beer

He's a mollyduker!
He's left handed!

Up and down like a lift drivers arse.
moody person

...since Gods dog was a pup.
for a long time back

Rip your bloody arms off and belt you with the sloppy end.
~

He couldn't drive a knife through soft butter.
A bad driver.

A few Holdens short of a carpark.
stupid

How's your belly where the pig bit ya.
greeting.

She/He'd scare a dog out of a butcher's shop.
Pretty bloody obvious - Cheers !

As full as a bulls arse in the middle of spring.
Couldn't eat another thing

As popular as a turd in a lunch box.
Unwelcome

So thin she wouldn't cast a shadow.
self explanatory

A face that only a mother could love.
Ugly

Stick it up your lemonade and sars!
Stick it up your arse! (sars=sarsparella)

Raining cats and dogs.
Rain so heavy that everything is coming down.

Every man and his dog was there.
Something that's well attended

As silly as a goose.
Stupid

It's a wigwam for a Goose's bridle.
Mind your own business ( in response to "What is ...?")

Sticks out like a country sh$thouse.
Very obvious

As fine as a fairy's fart.
very delicate.

He pissed all his money up against the wall.
spent all his money at the Pub.

Have a Brad Pitt.
Have a sh$t (the 90's version of having an Eartha Kitt)

Shake hands with the wife's best friend.
have a leak

He's so far up himself he's coming out the other end.
~

You're f#&ked in the head and got sh$t for brains.
Idiot

If a bloke on the dole has crabs, does he have pay for his nippers?
~

If it was raining maidens, I'd be washed down the gutter with a poofter.
said by a unlucky bloke in trying to pick up females

Busier than a one legged lesso on a pogo stick.
very busy

What a crock of sh$t!
a lie

Wet as a soup sandwhich.
horny

Wetter than a sock in a puddle.
a lot of rain

Kaypoc cruncher.
homosexual (kaypoc is the stuffing inside a mattress)

As useful as springs on a ballerinas' shoe!
(sarcasticly) real useful.

In and out like a fiddlers elbow.
really busy or a driver darting in and out of traffic

I'm so hungry I could eat the crutch out of an Afgans undies.
really hungry

He / She has more chins than a Chinese phonebook.
has a double/ triple chin

Sorry Oka... the Focka's Chocka.
Sorry Mate .. there just no more room on the plane

He is having a Cape Shank!
He is having a wank.

It's so dry you can flog a flea across it.
dry

Pull your flaps over your head and turn yourself into a red back spider.
shut up woman

He's an up hill gardener.
poof

Don't forget ya stay afloat!
don't forget your coat

A head like a bucket of burnt thongs!
Ugly

It's like rooting your sister.
It's so easy it doesn't count.

If brains where dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off!!!
~

I could eat the crutch out of a flyblown sheep at 50 paces.
very hungry

Few snags short of the barbie
not all there idiot (snags means sausages)

I'll just go and strain the main vein to make the bladder gladder.
visit the mens loo

Jahbindi 'n' begorrah!
It's an exclamation of surprise or wonderment

He's a double dick wanker.
Way or totally up himself

Off like grannys pants.
really bad, disgusting

Off like ga cat vomiting.
really off, disgusting

Up the creek in a barbed wire canoe.
stuffed

He made a real dog's breakfast of it.
Didn't perform the task very well; made a mess of it.

Piece of piss mate!
easy done no problem

He's a fart smeller, I mean smart fella!
: )

Smile like a mouth full of broken smarties.
crooked teeth

Your old man left the best part of you on the sheets.
not real bright

Fits like a prick in a shirt sleeve.
a very loose fit

After all the rain it's still only half way up the ducks.
Didn't get us anywhere; Don't worry. Water is always half up on ducks.

Someone is threepence (pronounced throopence) short of a shilling.
thick

So cold it'll freeze the balls on a brass monkey.
coooold (brass monkey being the three balls that hang outside a pawn shop )

If your aunty had balls she'd be your uncle.
used when somebody says "if only"!!!

Bloody oath mate!
you are indeed correct

Sitting around like a gin on a piss pot.
doing nothing

If brains were dynamite, he could blow the dust from his ears.
thick as a brick

As pissed as a newt.
drunk

Piss flaps like Gene Autreys saddle bags.
lips on a vagina that are quite large

(insultingly) Ankles.
three feet lower than a c&$t

He's a FIGJAM.
f#&k I'm Good Just Ask Me

I'm off like a piece of rotten cheese.
I'm leaving

A face like the north end of a south bound cow.
ugly

She talks so much she'd make a deck hand on a submarine.
hardly takes a breath a carries on talking

Get a mullet up ya.
Get a mullet up ya lol

Couldn't get a root in a monkey brothel with a bag of bananas.
Could not get a root if he tried.

Talking to Ralph/Ralph's calling.
Throwing up (Ralph being like the sound you make when you heave)

I got "Brrr" for you.
embarrassed for you (shuddering from embarrassment)

I could eat the crutch out of a dead sheep.
bloody hungry

By the jingo's.
Bloody hell, sh$t!

No wucking furries.
rhymes with...

He's / She's got a face like a busted arse!
ugly as sin

About as attractive as a box of frogs!
ugly

I've seen better legs on the daily double!
fat/unattractive legs

Dont fret your freckle.
don't worry/stress

Rattle your dags, mate.
Get a move on. (dags=a sheep's dirty wool at the rear end)

Welcome as a turd in a swimming pool.
unpopular

Having the sh$ts.
being irritable

He/She is tinny.
they are lucky

Sitting on ya dot.
Sitting down/doing nothing. Dot = asshole.

Screw the pooch.
Stuff up. (Pooch = dog)

Jerkin' the gherkin.
Having a wank

Crikey Moses!
Exclamation

Yew little ripper!
Exclamation of delight.

Two hopes; Bob Hope & no f#&king hope
no chance at all

Smile on your face like a carpet snake in a chook pen.
~

She didn't get that round mouth from eating square meals!
She's good for a blowjob!

You're \ it's about as useful as a bag full of farts.
useless

He's got more arse than a herd of elephants.
~

I'm feeling a bit crook.
feeling sick.

He/She is arsey.
they are lucky