Scarce as rocking horse sh$t.
= Very rare

Not enough brains to give 'imself a headache!
~

About as useful as tits on a bull.
~

Got you by the short and curlies.
= Got you on a short leash.... pubic hairs!

The most fun you can have with your pants on.
~

Busier than a one armed Sydney cab driver with the crabs.
~

A good root and a fart would kill him.
= He's weak.

She had more pricks than a second hand dartboard.
= not discriminating about sexual partners

Drier than a nuns nasty.
~

He could talk under wet cement with a mouthful of marbles.
~

Built like a brick sh$thouse.
= weak. (sarcastic)

Gonna drain me dragon.
= urinate

May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down.
~

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
= You're basically scum

So stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him 'til the bell rang!
~

I'm going to give birth to your twin!
= Have a sh$t

If I wanted to talk to an asshole like you, I would 've farted!
= Go away and leave me alone

As ugly as a hatful/bucket of arse holes.
~

Ya bloody wombat.
= Insult

Sticks like sh$t to a blanket.
~

He must have 2 penises...he couldn't be that stupid from pulling one.
= Stupid

More arse than class.
~

Couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground.
= Stupid or confused

May the all pores of your skin turn into little assholes and cover you in sh$t!
= Insult

I'll go and have a Captain Cook.
= go for a look

Stroll to the gravy bowl.
= Go to the toilet.

Couldn't organize a f#&k in a brothel with a fist full of fifties.
= unlucky, stupid, ignorant just plain dumb usually refers to bad management

Pass the dead horse.
= Tomato Sauce

Pissed as a fart.
= too much to drink.

Busier than a bricklayer in Beirut.
~

He couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag.
= weak

Seen better legs on a table.
= Cellulite city. Fat legs.

Better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick.
= Be thankful for what you've got.

About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking competition.
= Of absolutely no use...

I'm so thirsty I could drink the sweat from a Japanese Sumo wrestler's jockstrap.
~

I'll kick your bum till your nose bleeds!
~

Sticks out like dog's balls.
= Doesn't fit in, out of place.

A stubbie (or can) short of a six pack.
= Missing some sense

Fair crack of the whip!
= I appeal for ethical behavior

A few crumbs short of a biscuit.
= neuron impaired

I'll have your guts for garters mate!
= I'm going to get you for that.

What do you think it is, Bushweek?
= you can't put it over me

Froth and Bubble
= means trouble

I'm gonna strangle a brownie.
= Nothing to do with girl scouts!

He's about to do his block.
= Lose control of his temper.

Couldn't run a bath!
= hopeless at organizing, running a business

f#&ked in the head.
= not quite all there

He shoots blanks.
= Sterile

Thick as a lump of 4 X 2. (four by two)
= not well endowed with grey matter

Hold on to yer horses!
= Just wait for a second.

I'll give it a butchers.
= Butchers Hook=Look into something

Mad! He's as mad as a gum-tree full of galahs!
~

You've got a head like a half-eaten pastie.
~

He's got a raging hard on.
~

He wouldn't go two rounds with a revolving door.
= weak or incompetent

It's a Rip Snorter.
= It's great.

On your bike!
= Get out of here

Takin' the kids to the pool.
= Going to the loo.

She goes like the clappers.
= Move fast

I'm buggered, broke and bewildered.
= stuffed - underpaid & overworked

How are ya, me ol' china?
= How are you, friend?

I got to take a snakes hiss.
= urinate

Don't come the raw prawn with me mate!
= don't delude, trick.

At the drop of a hat.
= At any excuse.

Last about as long as a fart would in a blizzard.
~

Shut your cake hole.
~

Bonzer mate!
= Great!

Be buggered if I know.
= I don't have a clue

Another beer? Na, better hit the frog 'n toad.
= the Road.

No more sense than a native bear, an' not half as good-lookin'.
= Dumb

You're as handy as sh$t on a stick.
= your not much help

Where the crows fly backwards.
= remote outback, strange place

Tighter than a fish's arse.
= watertight

Ya bloody galah!
= slow witted

As useful as an ashtray on a motorbike (or /water-ski or surf-board).
= useless

Stick THAT up ya jumper (or up yer woolly) and smoke it.
~

As useful as lips on a chicken.
= not worth a damn

He's off like a bucket of prawns in the hot sun.
= out of here!

He's on the dog and bone.
= telephone

Couldn't organize a fart in a chillie eating contest.
= not good at organization

Crack a Fat
= erection.

As funny as a fart in an elevator/space suit/sleeping bag.
= not

Dry as a f#&k with no foreplay.
= Very thirsty

You got the rough end of the pineapple.
~

You've got some face fungus.
= needs a shave

What a load of codswollip.
~

So unlucky that if it were raining virgins he would be struck in the head by a poof.
= Really unlucky.

I feel like a dog's breakfast.
= Feel pretty awful.

Stone the flaming crows!
~

Fair suck of the sav!
(sav=saveloy=Frankerfurt)
=  Fair go! Give me a break!

sh$t stinks, eggs don't bounce and you can't buy generals in a general store.
= Answer to the question "Whaddya know?"

You're as good as two blondes put together.
= Not very smart

My back teeth are floating.
= I'm in real need of a piss

Sure as there's cold sh$t in a dead cat.
= certainty

I could eat the horse and chase the rider (or jockey)
= hungry!

Mad (Silly) as a cut snake.
~

Head was so far up his arse if he farted he would whistle.
~

You've got two chances: Buckley's and none
= slim or none

Yer so thin you'd have to run around in a the shower to get wet.
~

Fits like a bum in a bucket.
~

Tighter than a bull's arse at fly time.
~

You useless kiwi import.
~

I couldn't give a rats arse.
= don't care

Dumber than a box (or wagon) load of rocks.
= Not troubled by intelligence

That's about as funny as a kick in the head.
~

Drinking with Pat Malone
= drinking alone

Well that's down the gurgler.
~

As greasy as a butchers prick!
~

I need that like a submarine needs a screen door.
~

A few sausages short of a BBQ.
~

He's having a Barry Crocker. (or Joe Crocker)
= a Shocker. A bad time.

Go and stick your head up a dead bear's bum.
= Koala bear's!

Know yer! I'd know your skin if I saw it hanging on a bush.
~

He couldn't drive a nail into a bucket of water.
= to a hopeless driver

Trouble and strife and billy lids.
wife and kids

Well, bugger me dead! / bugger me blind!
= Exclamation

He's got tickets on himself
~

So tight that he wouldn't shout if a shark bit him.
= tight - stingy - will not buy a round of beers.

As cunning (or crazy or sly) as a sh$thouse rat.
~

If your I. Q. were 2 points higher it would be the same as a bloody stone.
= Pretty dumb.

Awning over the toy shop.
= beer gut.

Love to stay and count our brain cells one by one, but we can't.
= No time.

A shingle short on the roof of life.
= a bit slow

Hornier than a three balled tomcat.
~

It was like giving birth to Kim Beasly.
= large movement

Face like a smashed crab.
= ugly

He's a bit whiffy under the Warwick's
(Warwick short for Warwick Farm (Arm))
= underarm odor

So hungry I'd eat a sh$t sandwich, only I don't like bread.
~

Put the hard word on.
= ask for sex

Shes been entered more times than Tattslotto.
= She's had plenty of sexual partners

I'll fix your Jack and Jill.
= Pay the bill

Off to the bog to leave an offering.
= A sewer deposit.

Got a face like a mile of unpaved road.
= ugly

Wouldn't know if his arse was on fire.
= dumb

You little bugger.
 = Brat.

In more sh$t than a faggot's finger.
= big trouble

I'm 'aving a dogs eye and dead 'orse.
= Meat pie and sauce

It's not worth a brass razoo.
 = Not worth a penny.

As rare/scarce as hen's teeth.
= Rare

Siphon the python
= Urinate

Couldn't lie straight in bed.
= lier

Doing the Chocolate Cha Cha.
~

I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat.
= need a drink

She's up on blocks.
= got her period.

He wouldn't know if a brass band was up him unless he got the drum!
~

Dry as a witch's tit (in the desert).
= Very Thirsty

He has F.I.T.H. Syndrome.
= stupid

He's a horses hoof.
~

Happy as a dog in a hub cap factory.
~

Lower than a snake's belly.
~

I wouldn't touch it with a forty foot pole.
~

He did like a horses d#ck, and hit the road.
= He left!

About as useful (handy) as pockets on a singlet
= useless

Up and down like a whore's drawers.
~

I wore my bag of fruit yesterday.
= wore a suit.

Welcome as a pork chop in Jerusalem (or a synagogue)
= Not popular.

He couldn't pull the skin off a custard.
= weak

As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.
= Ugly

Face like a mallee root.
= ugly

Does a fat dog fart?
= yes

A few tinnies short of a slab.
= dumb

Ya bloods worth bottling!
= your great!

Three bangers short of a barbie.
= dumb

Between you me and the gatepost...
= in confidence.

We're in the middle of bloody woop-woop.
 = To be lost, to be in the middle of nowhere.

Better than a slap in the face with a wet fish.
~

As slow as a wet week.
= slow.

Cock-and-bull stories.
= bs

Well, strike me pink!
~

He could talk a dog off a meatwagon.
~

He's a lousy bastard.
= mean miserable man.

What's your crust, mate?
= do for a living?

Snap off / punch a grogan.
= defficate

Get off yer high horse.
= arrogance

Dry as a bulls bum going up a hill backwards.
= dry mouth

He's as full as a goog.
= drunk

Were you on the porcelain telephone?
= vomiting into the loo!

You look like a stunned mullet
= look senseless

Hang a brown bear in the porcelain cave.
= A number two.

Arh, stick your head up your Kyber Pass.
= head up your ass

Go home to the ball and chain.
= wife

Full as a fat lady's knickers/socks.
= very full

You can't have one foot either side of the fence if its made from barbed wire.
~